(Humor?) – I’m Announcing MY Campaign For California Governor…
“Planet Earth’s #1 Anti-Vaxxer,” Banned In Australia Author Kent Heckenlively JD, Steps Up to The Plate.,.
According to a recent article on Fox News, California governor Gavin Newsom in a recent tweet claimed,
“I am not going to take this recall attempt lying down. And let’s call it what it is: It’s a partisan Republican recall, backed by the RNC, anti-mask and anti-vax extremists, and pro-Trump forces who want to overturn the last election, and have opposed much of what we have done to fight the pandemic.”
I think it’s time I confessed.
“I” am the anti-mask and anti-vax extremist who made all of this happen. Look no further than your humble servant. “I” really am Spartacus, not Cory Booker.
Do you doubt that with the publication of my books, THE CASE AGAINST MASKS (banned by Amazon, but available on Barnes & Noble), PLAGUE OF CORRUPTION, (a New York Times bestseller), and my most recent book, INOCULATED: How Science Lost Its Soul in Autism, that I have single-handedly led the resistance like John Connor in the Terminator movies? (Okay, maybe in those Terminator movies a lot of “other people,” died fighting the machines, but we really don’t care about them, do we?)
What people really care about is whether you have a winning smile and good hair. I qualify on both counts.
The question I need all of you to answer, is since I have put EVERYTHING in motion, “should I be the one to stand for governor of California when Newsom inevitably falls?
I believe I’m the inevitable choice, but I’ll leave that up to you decide.
As far as a couple campaign slogans, I was thinking of, “Unlike Newsom, I’ve never slept with my best friend’s wife!” Or maybe, “Since I’ve been married I’ve only slept with my own wife!”
But I know the inevitable scandals will arise, so let me address them right now. “Yes, it is true that every night I sleep in the same bed as my wife!”
But speaking quite candidly, I think I’d make a fabulous governor.
I’ve spent the last fifteen years teaching science to middle schoolers, so I’m familiar with the general maturity level and emotional intelligence of your typical politician.
In my writing career I’ve generally been working with incredibly smart people like Dr. Judy Mikovits or Robert Kennedy, Jr., figuring out how to best convey their story to the public, so I’m deeply empathetic.
You should probably know that my family nickname is “the diplomat,” because I really don’t like to give offense, unless you’re doing something like destroying an entire generation of children.
So, I hope you will consider me for this honor and understand how far I’ve come. Although I was born into wealth and privilege, in those first few years I couldn’t walk, feed myself, read, or even write my name.
Now I’m a New York Times bestselling author. Only in America can dreams like mine come true.
And I’d pursue sensible policies. Here’s how I’d decide: I’d get the top person from each side of an issue, we’d meet in a Joe Rogan like setting, each side gets an hour to present their best case, then I get a half an hour to ask questions of each side, the whole thing gets live-streamed, and I’ll read your comments and make my decision.
And what about my appointments? For Chief of Staff I think I’d pick Mike Cernovich. Here’s my reasoning; he’s really good at figuring out if people are bull-shitting him, and he can be really nasty if annoyed. Me, I’m a happy-go-lucky guy who likes everybody, and people like me get taken advantage of easily. But Mike would be kind of a protector to me. If he said they were good, I could take it to the bank.
For Press Secretary I’d pick Scott Adams, the world’s greatest persuader. I’d even let him telecommute to the job. I figure I’ll only need him from about 8:00 am to 9:30 am every day, then he’s free to do whatever else he wants. And if I’m not presenting an idea well to the public, I’m sure I’ll get a phone call that night from him telling me what to change. I’d listen. I mean, he is the “Dilbert” guy, who single-handedly destroyed an entire genre of stupid management books. You’ve got to respect talent like that.
I’m working on slogans for the general campaign, next. I’m thinking of something like, “Get Newsom the HECK out of There and Put HECKENLIVELY In!”
I ask for your support.
I promise it would be fun.
And I’d save California.
Be sure to order Kent Heckenlively’s new book with Dr. Judy Mikovits, PLAGUE OF CORRUPTION from Amazon which you can do RIGHT NOW!
The book is co-authored with Judy Mikovits PhD. It is an indictment of the “Fake Science” we find so prevalent in the US.
Then, of course, there is the “Mask” book outlining ten good reasons to be doubtful about masks.
BANNED BY AMAZON, but available here: https://www.skyhorsepublishing.com/9781510764279/the-case-against-masks/