The Comey Memos: Washington D.C. Meets “The Office”…

(At the BolenReport we are spending time talking about the corrupt politics of our time because THIS IS WHAT PRESIDENT TRUMP MUST HANDLE FIRST, before he can get to health care.  Pharma is part of the Deep State and you must understand your enemy before you can defeat him.)

By Kent Heckenlively, JD

People get TOO worked up about politics.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE the battle of ideas.

But the actual practice of politics is insufferably boring.  Trust me.

I’ve worked on republican campaigns AND democratic campaigns.  Same cast of characters.  A lot of humorless drones with occasional flashes of humanity and actual ability.  You keep thinking it’s going to get better, but it doesn’t.

Which brings me to the Comey Memos…

…the set of documents which resulted in the appointment of Special Prosecutor, Robert Mueller, and has gripped the nation for more than a year with the “Russia investigation.”

I’ve read all seventeen painful pages.  I felt like I was watching a bad episode of The Office, with James Comey channeling Michael Scott, the clueless character played so brilliantly by Steve Carrell.

I’ve given you some selections from the first two memos.  I’ve edited them for fear that you might become so bored you’d be tempted to slit your wrists and I’d hate to have that on my conscience.

COMEY MEMO #1 – January 7, 2017

“What follows are the notes I typed in the vehicle immediately upon exiting Trump Tower on 1/6/17.  Although I wrote this less than five minutes after the meeting and have tried to use actual words spoken, including quotes directly in some places, I have not used quotation marks throughout because my purpose was to capture the substance of what was said.  I am not sure of the proper classification here so have chosen SECRET.  Please let me know if it should be higher or lower than that.”

(Author’s note – Good to know the head of the FBI was uncertain of the classification of his meeting with the President-Elect.  It’s been my experience that such breathtaking incompetence is common at the highest levels of government.  And who is he speaking to?  There’s only one person above him in the chain of command.  The President!)

“After others left the room, we sat at the table.  He began by telling me I had a heck of a year but that I had conducted myself honorably and had a great reputation.  He said I was repeatedly put in impossible positions.  He said he thought very highly of me and looked forward to working with me, saying he hoped I planned to stay on.  I assured him I intended to stay.  He said good . . .

I said the Russians allegedly had tapes involving him and prostitutes at the Presidential Suite at the Ritz Carlton in Moscow from about 2013.  He interjected, “there were no prostitutes; there were never prostitutes.”  He then said something about him being the kind of guy who didn’t need to “go there” and laughed (which I understood to be communicating that he didn’t need to pay for sex.)  He said “2013” to himself, as if trying to remember that period of time, but didn’t add anything.  He said he always assumed that hotel rooms he stayed in when he travels are wired in some way.  I replied that I do as well.”

(Author’s note – Lordy, what a conversation! )  The memo concluded two paragraphs later with:

“He said he was grateful for the conversation, said more nice things about me and how he looks forward to working with me and we departed the room.”

COMEY MEMO #2 – January 28, 2017

I had dinner with President Trump in the Green Room at the White House last night at 6:30 pm.  There were two servers (who I had the chance to chat with a bit because I arrived about 10 minutes early; they were both retired Navy submariners and we had a fun discussion about height clearance in submarines).  The servers were only in the room when they delivered food or retrieved plates.

The conversation, which was pleasant at all times, was chaotic, with topics touched, left, then returned to later, making it very difficult to recount in a linear fashion.  Normally I can recall the pieces of a conversation and the order of discussion with high confidence.  Here, given the nature of it, there is a distinct possibility that, while I have the substance right, the order was slightly different.  It really was conversation-as-jigsaw puzzle in a way, with pieces picked up, then discarded, then returned to.

The President spoke an overwhelmingly majority of the time.  He never asked me an open-ended question or left it to me to choose a topic of conversation.  There were almost no periods of silence during the 1 hour and 20 minutes, except once or twice when the President paused as the servers entered.  I felt comfortable throughout, although never relaxed, given the focus conversation required . . .”

(Author’s note – Is it just me or are any of you finding this as screamingly funny as I am?  A tall man in a submarine joke?  Comedy gold!  I’m starting to believe that James Comey may be the most boring, but most honest man in all of Washington.  If not, well, it took me a long time to warm up to The Office.  You might need a little more time.  But don’t worry.  You’re REALLY GOING TO LAUGH!)

“At about this point, he asked me to compare AG Holder and AG Lynch.  I said I thought AG Holder was smarter and more sophisticated and smoother and AG Lynch, who I added is a good person.  He said Holder and President Obama were quite close.  I replied that they were and it illustrated in my view, a mistake Presidents make over and over again: Because they reason that problems for a President often come from Justice, they try to bring Justice close, which paradoxically makes things worse because an independent DOJ and FBI are better for a President and the country.  I listed off John Mitchell, Ed Meese, and Al Gonzales as examples of this mistake and he added Bobby Kennedy . . .”

(Author’s note – It’s good to know that Comey considered Attorney General Loretta Lynch to be stupider, rougher, and more coarse than Attorney General Eric Holder.)

“At about this point, he turned to what he called the “golden showers thing” and recounted much of what he had said previously on the topic.  He repeated that it was a complete fabrication and “fake news.”  I explained again why I had thought it was important that he know about it.  I also explained that one of the reasons we told him was that the media, CNN in particular, was telling us they were about to run with it.  He said it bothered him if his wife thought there was even a one percent chance it was true in any respect.  He said he had spoken to people who had been on the Miss Universe trip with him and they reminded him that he didn’t stay over night in Russia for that.  He said he arrived in the morning, did events, then showered and dressed for the pageant at the hotel (he didn’t say the hotel name) and left for the pageant.  Afterwards, he returned only to get his things because they departed for New York by plane that same night.  He said he thought maybe he should ask me to investigate the whole thing to prove it was a lie.  I did not ask any questions.  I replied that it was up to him, but I wouldn’t want to create a narrative that we were investigating him, because we are not and I worried such a thing would be misconstrued.  I also said that it is very difficult to disprove a lie.  He said, “maybe you’re right,” but several times asked me to think about it and said he would also think about it . . .”

(Author’s note – Okay, let me put this in my terms.  Let’s just imagine I was elected to the United States Senate from California (stop laughing!).  But in the waning days of the election an allegation was made that I set up fights between homeless people for money.   I asked the FBI director to investigate and he replied I might not like headlines that the FBI was investigating me for setting up “bum fights.”)

“The President then spoke again about being glad I wanted to stay.  He said Mattis said great things about me, as did Sessions.  He explained he had asked a lot of people about me and heard great things.  He then returned to loyalty, saying “I need loyalty.”  I replied that he would always get honesty from me.  He paused and said that’s what he wants, “honest loyalty.”  I replied, “you will get that from me.”  (It is possible we understood the phrase differently, but I chose to understand it as consistent with what I had said throughout the conversation: I will serve the President with loyalty to the office, the country, and the truth.  I decided it would not be productive to push the subject further.)

At about this point he asked again about “your guy McCabe” and whether he was “going to be okay.”  I again affirmed Andy’s ability and professionalism and said the President would come to see and benefit from both.”

(Author’s note – As a man I am familiar with “guy-talk” among powerful men.  Let me tell you how I translate this conversation.  You may not agree with my translation.  Feel free to substitute your own.)

Trump says, “Hey, you’re a great guy, and since you now know I recognize you as a great guy, I want you to recognize I’m a great guy and treat me great.”

Comey responds, “Yeah, we’re all great.”

Trump says, “I’m not sure about this Andy guy.  Is he great?”

Comey replies, “Yeah, he’s great, Mr. President.”

Trump answers, “Great.”

I know many of you were expecting Shakespeare, but this is often how powerful men talk.  It’s why they’re in charge of powerful organizations or make millions of dollars, rather than being a witty, but broke and beloved blogger.


If you miss The Office, I suggest you download the remaining Comey memos and read them to fully understand the self-importance and delusion of deranged petty bureaucrats.

There is a lot that is in Trump’s way…

James Comey is part of the entitled elite, and he is as clueless about the damage he is doing as the bad guys in health care, people like Dr. Paul Offit or Dr. Ian Lipkin.

But I don’t want you to be afraid of them.  I want you to laugh at them for the clueless people they are.  Being laughed at is their greatest fear.

And very soon they will realize we are their greatest nightmare.

By Kent Heckenlively, JD

plagueheckiKent’s book PLAGUE was released by Skyhorse Publishing in 2014 and is now available in paperback.  Skyhorse also publishes the work of Mo Yan, the 2012 recipient of the Nobel Prize in literature.

The book is co-authored with Judy Mikovits PhD.  It is an indictment of the “Fake Science” we find so prevalent in the US.


Kent Heckenlively is also the author of INOCULATED: How Science Lost its Soul in Autism, available on Amazon and at Barnes&


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3 thoughts on “The Comey Memos: Washington D.C. Meets “The Office”…”

  1. This points out two things:

    (1) NEVER keep a journal – it will come back to bite you.

    (2) It is scary to see how clueless the leaders in power actually are. Is this the reason we cannot get things fixed?

    Tim Bolen

  2. Yesterday we, in England, were treated to the unedifying spetacle of Mr. Comey being interviewed by the BBC about his book.
    The guy really is clueless about what his job was and what responsibilities he carried.
    At the end he even said that HE must decide whether the President should be permitted to know what the FBI is doing!

    Severe brain damage but that’s what Obama bin Barak needed as sycophants. Good job he’s gone.

    Blessed be

    Karma Singh

  3. Comey made it obvious he’s nothing more than a glorified piss boy for HitLIARy.

    I see Comey’s book at Target is already 30% off. It makes me wonder “What Happened”

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